Translate

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Edouard

- 6 years
Eddie paced a lot when he was anxious. Eddie paced a lot when he rehearsed a speech. Eddie paced a lot when he talked on the telephone. Eddie paced a lot when he started thinking. Eddie especially paced a lot when he was thinking about the fact that the love of his life was getting married. Eddie paced a lot these days. Today, Eddie paced back and forth in the hallway upstairs outside her bedroom. Deborah, Dee, was the most important person in his life. Ed-Dee, was a thing that last 13 months, but after three years he could no longer focus on his joy to see Dee marry the man that she loves. All that he could focus on was how it should have ended two years ago. After Dee left him in order to pursue William, he was there for her. Eddie was a good friend, a good person, and was good to Dee. But, deep inside, he could never let go this aching feeling that they were meant to be together. It haunted him since they told him they were getting married. So now he paced while stroking his beard, in a tux that was too big after he lost all appetite for food, but gained a voracious appetite for gin and weed. He had drank a 'twixer' and had an ounce before he could get the courage to paced in front of her door. He suddenly stopped, turned his partly whilst raising his fist to knock on the door when it opened.

There stood Deborah dressed in her pyjamas, and William peering from the bed beyond. Eddie looked at her like a deer in headlights as she recoiled in disgust. "Geeze Ed, did you drink a gin factory then smoked an acre? You reek. What are you doing dressed up, the wedding's not for eight hours..." Ed had moments he loathed, where his mouth would begin to speak without the brain's permission or filtering. He tried to avoid them, but could never truly anticipate their arrival. Today he noticed, felt his lips move and throat hum. "I...have...always...loved...you..." The look on her face turned from playfulness to confusion. "What?" she stuttered before finding herself  "What did you just say? What did you just say to me, the morning of my wedding, in front of my husband-to-be, whose best man and best friend you are supposed to be?" Now that his mouth began this trouble, his heart took over and unleashed years of quiet suffering. "Best friend? Best fucking friend? Best god-damned mother-fucking friends don't go and fucking seduce the love of their best friends' lives!" He clenched his hands in front of his chest and closed his eyes. Meanwhile, Will had come over by the door. William was a massive man, an ex high school and college rugby star turned IT analyst. Deborah placed her hand on her fiancĂ©'s bare hairy chest and held him back. She moved forward and closed the door behind her. Having turned her back on him, Eddie continued his original sentiment, tears gently caressing the edge of his eyes. "For the first year and a half, almost every week you would come to me in tears because he couldn't stop hurting you." She sighed then spoke, still facing the door. "I can't do this anymore, I can't. I can't watch you slowly kill yourself, I can't listen to another long speech about how we're meant to be together, Freya whispered it to you in a dream, I just can't!" He slumped his shoulders and pouted, tears now flowing freely and escaping the prison of his tear ducts down his cheeks and onto the ground. "Vision." he mumbled. She let out a 'what?' as she spun to face him. "A vision. I was meditating and Freya told me that she had important plans for us." Deborah clenched her teeth and her fist tightly. Her words seething out. "Get out, never come back. I never want to see you, never want to speak to you. I hope you run out and get hit by a car you selfish inconsiderate asshole." Wounded, he clung his chest. He quietly turned around and calmly did as he was told, and left them.

When he left that house, he ran. When it began to rain cold spring rain, he stopped. He let the cold morning spring rain drench him. He began to shiver, but never moved. When the speeding car screeched, he never moved. But, when it collided, he flew. He felt himself fly high into the sky, and when he fell back down, six months had passed.

When Eddie awoke, his eyes fluttered open and the first thing his eyes saw in six months was friendly nurse busy cleaning him. She jumped when she saw him stare at her. His needle-pin irises focusing on her. She left and got the doctor who looked him over and a few days later he had left the hospital.

When Eddie got to his parents lovely town house, he was intrigued to hear that the man who had hit him was a senator who was on his way home from his stripper-mistress' place. He was driving recklessly, was drunk and had quite a bit of cocaine in his system. He gave land he acquired illegally and millions of dollars to quiet them up. Eddie's parents were smart and kind and gave everything to their son who recently found himself alone and with nothing. His drinking had cost him his desk job, and he had forgot to pay last three months of rent for his two bedroom apartment. The only thing left was his cat Beowulf. He told his parents that he will be living there, in the brush and he didn't want to be disturbed. He had to build his fortress dedicated to Freya, so he can save as many people as possible when Ragnarok comes. He quickly left, with Beowulf, and never came back after he had built the temporary shack. When Dee and Will got back from their honeymoon, which they had postponed after hearing news of the accident in order to be by his side, they visited him on his new construction project. When they drove up all there was was a small shack, a gazebo-tent, table, barbecue, and three faceless wooden statues next to the chainsaw. Ed just stood there, facing the statues, mumbling. When they got close to him they could hear his words. "Her face, why can't I remember face? She has the most beautiful face. Why can I not remeber?" Deborah gently extended her arm and placed it on his shoulder. His shoulder was bony, sickly, and when he turned around his head was shaved and his beard was scraggly. He looked at her pained expression and smiled. "That's it! That's her face" then he jumped into her arms and hugged her now larger frame than his.

When they left the mad man in the woods, she and William cried for their lost friend.

Deborah

-3 months
Deborah sat in her idling car off the highway. She was staring at the dirt road to her right which lead to his place while thinking of the man she had not seen since after he woke up from his coma six years prior. She bit her thumb, debating the surprise visit. She was returning home from base a day early, her husband would not know of the visit since it was morning and her friend lived half way between the base and home. Last time she had seen him, he was this rambling disheveled mess of a man who was obsessed with building his compound on his hundred acre property. Deborah remembered the statues he had built of 'her'. Three faceless winged women eight feet tall. She also remembered the events leading to his coma. The argument, the hurtful things she said to him which cut him so deep that he stormed out and was run over by a drunk senator on his way home. "Screw it", she thought, as she put her car in drive and took a sharp right down the dirt road.

As she gently rolled onto his property she came upon a ten foot tall wall surrounding the acre plot where the house was. The entrance was an open iron wrought gate, which she rolled her car right through and parked next to the massive stone garage. "Holy shit he build this place up." She muttered while leaving the car. He had made a large stone house near the far wall, resembling a medieval castle with the red tile roofing, arrow slit windows and a circular tower at the side. The garage, on the other hand, looked more to be the size of their old two bedroom apartment. The whole thing must have taken a fortune to make. Deborah then proceeded to head for the front door. She knocked on the front door three times before giving up. She stood there for a moment, feeling foolish for being here and angry that he shut everyone out for so long. They'd been friends for years before the accident, he even introduced her to her husband. Of course, they began as a couple for the first year, and she had left him for his best friend - her now husband. She punched the thick wooden door. Why the Hell did he have to say it? Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut like he had for so long. He just had to do it on their wedding day. She punched it a few more times before giving up. As she turned around she saw him standing their staring at her with his special smile. That grin that went crooked on his left side. "Good to know my door is battering-ram proof". She looked at him perplexed. She knew that he always looked young for his age, but save for the white hairs in his big brown beard, he still looked the same as before the accident. Well, he got more muscular. The shaved head, large beard, corded muscles and barrel chest gave him the appearance of one of the viking gods he worshiped. "Yeah... Why the Hell did you have to sneak up on me? Why couldn't you answer the door like a normal person." He laughed,which she thought was a good sign. She smiled deeply, feeling happier than she had in quite sometime, and embraced him with open arms.

They had sat down next to the house while having tea, and spoke for hours. When lunch came they had sandwiches before feeding the chickens, dogs and cats. "I can't believe you still have him, it makes me so happy to see him." she truly missed his cat. Beowulf was perhaps the best behave pet she had ever lived with, and to know that he reached twelve was phenomenal. She then noticed the three statues, still faceless. "Hey, when do you plan on finishing those things?" He looked to where she pointed and shrugged. "I haven't found her three faces. Six years ago, when we last saw each other, I saw her first face. You see the one to the left, clutching her chest? That's sadness/worry. The middle one, with the open arms is love, and I just now saw her face. The one pointing the sword threateningly is righteous fury. I have yet to see it but I am sure I'll see it soon. Those are the three faces of Freya: Lover, Friend, and Warrior." She stood fixed, staring at the wonderfully crafted statues this man she thought she knew made by himself without any training. She turned to him, about to ask where he had learned to sculpt wood, when he spoke. "Dee, I need to know something." His amber eyes looked deeply into her green irises. He gently stroked her curly brown hair before putting his ivory pale hand onto her mocha coloured skin. "Why did you come?" She snapped out of her reverie and pushed him away. "Look, it's not that I am not grateful, but it has been six years. I know last time you came with him to check up on me, I was out of it. I also know that last time we had a real conversation, you told me that you wished I would leave and never contact you. So, why did you come?" She looked down at the ground and shrugged. "I drive by the turn off twice a week. On my way to base, and on my way back for the weekend. But, Will and I have been going through a lot and I don't really have any friends. My mother past away a few weeks back, she joined my dad. Will's parents are seventy and divorcing. I just needed to see a friendly face. It's just all horrible right now." His face softened, and he embraced her, letting her cry. Gently stroking her hair, he leaned into her ear and whispered "It's all right, it'll only get worse from here." She pushed him away and punched him across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you fucking insane?  What the hell was I thinking fucking coming here? What did I expect but you trying to fuck things up. Fine, have it your way! I hope you fucking die alone you asshole!" She then stormed off and got into her car and drove off. He stood there, rubbing where she had hit him, tears crept down his cheeks as he whispered amongst sobs "There's face number three."


Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I firmly believe that one must become at peace with their actions. If, either by error or weakness, one commits an act s/he regrets, self-redemption and reaffirmation of one’s self must be achieved. The sad fact of human nature is that the focus is more often on the negative actions than the positive. One must come to terms with the negative repercussions and accept judgment, rightful or not, as part of other’s natural reaction. Redemption in the eyes of others, as a goal, is useless and often seen as grovelling, rightfully so. Balance must be sought, and peace established within one-self. Act as one’s true self. In the case of weakness, demonstrate to prove to the self that it was isolated and move on. In the case of error, one must strive to learn how to avoid such a mistake. In the case of both, one must learn from the error and maintain the moment of weakness as the exception to one’s character that it is. And if others never judge the one by the majority, but solely by the minority of one’s actions, those individuals do not belong in one’s life.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Hatebreed/Winds of Plague


I am sorry for my break (Talking to myself again), I've been uninspired. But someone told me that Hatebreed and Winds of Plague share similar messages...and that the songs Destroy Everything and Decimate the Weak exemplify this claim. I got angry, and decided to collect my thoughts here and link them my page.

First, the lyrics for Decimate the Weak:
Decimate the weak.
I am sent from hell, your worst fears brought to life.
I am sent from hell.
The fields will turn into flesh.
Now cross the planks of the burning bridge this time I'll lead you to death.
I'll find peace within your cries for help.
It won't be quick.
I am sent from hell.
The fields will turn into flesh.
I am sent from hell, your time is up when I say it's up.
From the depths I've risen.
I've come to take your lives, another step closer to death.
Only the strong survive.
With each breath I take another takes his last.
I've made an example out of an army.
I've shattered an empire, brought kings to their knees.

And Hatebreed Destroy Everything: (try to find why people think they are the same)

Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.

Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.

Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.

Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.

A new life begins!

Destroy Everything! (x2)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Destroy Everything! (x3)
So a new life can begin,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Rebuild this start again,
AGAIN!

Guess which I prefer.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Politics? Another one?

Several friends of mine are part of the 'classical right winged', while I am apparently part of the 'classical left wing'. I dislike the classical spectrum since I find it too simplistic, but that is not the purpose of this rambling. My issue is with the misconception of what both sides truly mean.

Let me simplify this: at its core, the left is about charity and altruism. The right is, at its core, is to opposite. Where the left would be less restrictive with allowing immigrants, the right would be more restrictive. Where the left would want everyone to have a doctor, the right would want only those worthy (e.g. can afford it). The left is about treating everyone equally, the right is about entitlement and separation. There is a reason why nationalism works well with right winged politics, and is difficult to incorporate into left wing. To say "Canada is the best country!" or "Canadians rule!" the subtext it "Everyone else is inferior to Canadians!" That's not to say I am not happy to have been lucky enough that my parents had kids in this country. I have it easy. But those who dream about having what I have should not be penalized to wanting to live here, because they are not from here..right? Oh yes, there are a few bad apples. A minority will abuse the system, but so do natural born citizens. Yes some are criminals, but that doesn't mean they will commit the same crimes here, and if so we should have faith in their capture. Yes, some who loathe western nations. But nationalism is at the core of this hatred. Nationalism on both sides. Let me be frank, what is nationalism? It is the separation of one group from another. This breeds hatred. And in the left side, hatred has no place. We are all equal, even if that person thinks they are better then others.

rabble rabble rabble.... so on and so forth. I guess I am a hippy. I think we should all just get along, be friends, and not worry about race, language, culture and all the other unimportant things that separates us.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Gay marriage

Something bothers me about the same-sex marriage debate. The arguments against it seem almost entirely based on ‘Well god doesn’t like it.’ Which is weird since I never heard of someone claiming God told them he hates gays. Historical bases, Natural Law and even the negative social implications seem weak.
I know a lot of the bad blood between Monotheistic religions and homosexuality stems from ancient Judaism and their quest (or God’s quest) to be different from all the other religions. Though homosexuality was common place in the ancient world, and certain customs of hunter-gatherers may indicate that it was common in pre-history as well, the Ancient Greeks remain the most infamous for their homosexuality (and pederasty). And yes, Spartans engaged in man-love and their concept of a man began at about 13 years old. The Roman Empire extended a tolerance towards homosexuality, but never fully embraced it like the Ancient Greeks. Despite that, no one ever really believed them that they weren’t all for the man-love. So, at the beginning of Christianity, early Christians wanted to separate themselves from the decadent romans as possible. Thus, where they were indulgent, Christians were chaste.
That homosexuality goes against nature is very odd. Firstly, same-sex bonding happens in the natural world all the time. Some stags mount younger ones because they cannot find a female, while love birds have been known to cutely bond with others of the same-sex. Even your pet dog would mount you if he was in heat and you gave him the chance. Natural Law is like French grammar: the exceptions make the rule. Yes, MOST animals pair-bond with the opposite sex. Yes, MOST mate with the desire to reproduce. But there are and will always be exception, and humans are no different.
Procreation cannot be the purpose of marriage. Would you deny the right of marriage to the middle-aged? How about the infertile? Perhaps since they already have children, will adopt, or would have had children this would be acceptable? Yet, same-sex partners can and do fall under those three categories? Perhaps one would think that a child requires a male and a female parent? Or, the child would ‘turn-gay’? Studies show quite the opposite. Same-sex parents are shown to love their children equally to opposite-sex parents; children raised by same-sex parents are no more likely to be homosexual and that children raised by single parents or same-sex parents find the ‘missing role model’ in grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, friends of the family. Besides, human procreation is quite fine without having to go through the rituals of marriage. Hell, I could go out and procreate now if I wished.
There is no evidence that extending the right to marry to homosexuals would create more homosexuals. There will not be a homosexual take over and no horrific apocalypse will occur as a direct result. Now, if they are not allowed to marry, this disenfranchised group may begin to cause issues. So long as they are not treated as full equals, they will demand it. So long as they demand it, everyone will have to see and hear about it. The negative social implications are if they are not equals. No human is superior to the other.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Horde or Alliance, what seat do I take?

Much debate amongst my world of Warcraft friends have been about why the races chose to be with either the Horde or the Alliance. The primary races of either faction are Orcs for horde and Humans for alliance, but the issue of what drives the races to join one or the other requires an analysis of both the general structure of the races, their ideologies and the history.
Humans are fundamentally opposed to orcs due to prejudice. Many humans, especially their king Varian Wrynn, have a seething loathing for all things orc. This stems from their long history of war. Orcs invaded Azeroth while under demonic influences. They ravaged the country side, pillaged innocent folks, and slaughtered thousands. Thus, humans are opposed to Orcs due to the events of the first two wars. Also, afterwards, they equate any aggressive action by an orc as reflective of the Horde as a whole.

Dwarves during the second war came under attack from the Orc Horde and humans and dwarves had been friendly for a while at that point. Thus, it was natural for them to side with their friends.

The Gnomish reasoning is much like that of the dwarves, especially since both races are near symbiotic. Also, Orcs have a history working with goblins, the gnome’s racial enemy.

The Worgen siding with the alliance is simple as well. First, they were members of the Alliance during the second war (when they were all humans). Second, the Night elves have, despite being the cause of their affliction, made amends by giving control over their curse. Last, after refusing to join the Forsaken, the latter decided to exterminate them seeing them as a threat to both their existence and their supremacy of Lorderon.

The Draenei is also very easy. When they first arrived on the Orc home world, the orcs embraced the newcomers and taught them their ways. Draenei did not share their abilities. Eventually orcs resented them for this. When they became corrupt, the Draenei were the first victims of the horde’s demonic rage. Afterwards, Bloodelves under the influence of Illidan, the Burning Legion and Prince Kael’thas attempted to exterminate the remainder of their race. Also, humans, dwarves and high elves all worship the light, of whom the Dranei are the chosen people.

The High Elves, though not a player race, remain with the Alliance simply because they wish to separate themselves from the bloodelves as much as possible.

The Night Elves, on the surface, seem odd. They worship and respect natures, their fellow members of the Cenarian Circle the Tauren are part of the horde, and when they first met humans and orcs they attempted to eradicate both peoples. At first it would seem a simple game mechanic. The alliance needed a race in Kalimdor, to not make it a “East v.s. West” battle (though it seems to be anyways.) Also, in the three Warcraft games elves took part of the Alliance. But, there is also the issue of order v.s. chaos. Humans live in a very rigid class based society similar to the Feudal system. The Night elves live in an even more rigid society. They killed and exiled their own people for using magic. The primary religious order is only accessible to women. Their laws on nature preservation are strict and harsh. Thus, they would do well with rigid law abiding societies like the Humans and Dwarves. There is also the belief amongst certain people (myself included) that a factor in the Night Elves decision in choosing Humans over Orcs is both Orcs were tainted by demons and Orcs are ugly.
                Two things seem to unite the Alliance, a dislike or hatred for Orcs and their allies, and the belief of rigid social structures.
Orcs have a strong hatred for humans. The fact that they lost the wars against humans is not the reason for their hatred. Orcs understand and accept the horrors of war, and death in battle is seen as an honour. But, after the second war, Humans enslaved the majority of orcs. Used in slave labour and gladiatorial battles, they lived in cages and had absolutely no freedoms. When Thrall liberated them, many orcs could never forgive the humans for enslaving them. Thus, despite Thrall’s desire for universal peace, most Orcs would never trust a human.

The Trolls of the Darkspear tribe joined the horde because the orcs saved them from annihilation at the hands of the Naga they dubbed ‘the Sea Witch’ and her murloc slaves. Thus, as a people, they are indebted to the orcs and Thrall especially. Also, orcs have fought alongside trolls before in the second war, making it not odd for them.

The Goblins have always preferred being neutral since it is more profitable. But, during the second war many fought alongside the horde. The Bilgewater Cartel, though, has joined the orcs because after their home was destroyed by Deathwing the orcs and they banded together against a force of humans aiming to kill everyone and capture Thrall.  There is also the issue of Orcs never mistreating Goblins due to prejudice (unlike humans who think they are ugly crazy being that wish only to swindle everyone and explode things.) On the contrary, Orcs have always valued their invention and friendship. Goblins also have a dislike for their engineering rivals the Gnomes.

The Tauren who chose to join the Horde did so much for the same reasons than the Trolls. The Orcs saved their clans and escorted them to their new home of Mulgore. Tauren also have much respect for the Orc’s shamanistic traditions and reverence for the Earth whom they worship.

The Forsaken joined the Horde simply because they Alliance would love nothing better than to kill every undead just because they are undead. It was a decision of survival. The Orcs accepted them because they desired a foothold in the Eastern Kingdoms. The Forsaken’s tendency of ‘winning at all costs’, which has included using plagues and blighting the land making it unliveable for anyone except for themselves, has made many of their allies weary of them. Despite that, they remain loyal to the Horde.

Bloodelves have chosen the Horde also for necessity. Before the demonic taint, the Humans treated the weakened elves with contempt. Not being able to stand the mistreatment the Bloodelf leader decided to join Illidan and the Burning Legion, whilst the remainder of them requested to side with the Horde in hopes of a fairer treatment, which they received. One of the reasons why the orcs accepted the bloodelves is sympathetic suffering. Like the orcs, the Bloodelves were tricked into consuming demonic energies. The Bloodelves became too desperate to satiate their addiction to magic and not de-evolve as a result, thus when a solution was presented most took it without question. This is much like the orc’s desire to be as powerful as the dranei and was thus tricked into serving the demons.
                One thing seems to join the Horde together: survival. The Forsaken’s crime is to exist. The Bloodelves is attempting to not de-evolve at any cost and making a tragic mistake only orcs would forgive. Trolls and Tauren is that without the orcs their people would no longer be.
**As a side note, despite the fact that Tauren and Night Elves are members of the Druidic order of the Cenarian circle, this is against the desire of the elves. Taurens have not been allies with the Night Elves since the first Demonic Invasion and have always been regarded as savages and animals.